spongiform encephalopathies

neatomosquitoshow: @racheltacobell

Wed, 19 Jun 2013 01:12:25 -0400

@racheltacobell

Interview with Rachel Bell

Fri, 14 Jun 2013 16:15:53 -0400

Late last month, via scribd, Rachel Bell published The Islamic Takeover of 2013, a collaborative e-book between herself and man of many words, Austin Islam. Curious as I am, I asked Rachel a few qu…

pattycake-likes-dat-shit: #womancrushwednesday

Wed, 12 Jun 2013 21:43:03 -0400

pattycake-likes-dat-shit:

#womancrushwednesday

tao

Sat, 08 Jun 2013 18:40:18 -0400

tao

beachsloth: The Islamic takeover of 2013 by Rachel...

Mon, 03 Jun 2013 17:47:08 -0400

beachsloth:

The Islamic takeover of 2013 by Rachel Pattycake

                Rachel Pattycake consummates her marriage to one affable lad, Austin Islam. Right from the first page she proclaims they have staying power. The collage shows off their shared interests: ducks, lemons, and shoes. Obviously when those are brought together they engage in kinky, duck-petting, lemonade-making, feet-walking acts. Austin and Rachel are the ultimate Alt Lit couple and have a good chance at becoming the Alt Lit couple of 2013 if they play their cards right. Together the two of them play the most dangerous online card game, chat roulette. Deep in those cards is a sense of emotional and literal nakedness. Each of them bares their hearts to each other among other things.

                Austin returns Rachel’s loving with his desire to look at her. Austin longs to be the baker’s man to Rachel’s patty cake. Parental guidance is no longer needed for the tech-savvy lovers. Good thing Austin exists. Rachel is happy with Austin’s ability to live on Earth with a minimum of difficulties. Thanks to his work he’s able to add additional insight into her heart, bringing light where there was once darkness. Innards generally lack proper lighting due to ‘evolution’ and the inability of fireflies to light up the dark parts of their minds. Rather the two of them have butterflies in their stomachs when they speak to each other for they care about each other. Sadly these butterflies lack the ‘wing power’ to help the two rises up into the air and fly to each other.

                Deep in the recesses of the suburbs they hang out. Suburbs shelter them from the worries of the world like bumping into people. Right in the suburbs they own the sidewalks. Nobody ever uses sidewalks in the suburbs. Community planners put sidewalks in suburbs for show. Yet here Austin and Rachel share them together skipping ever merrily on the grey concrete. After a happy time hanging out on the sidewalk they decide to sleep together. Blank spaces bring happy faces together. Rachel and Austin discuss the importance of a blanket and its ability to hide while encouraging nakedness. Walls can’t see but beds can.

                CSPAN brings the master plan for the two of them. Austin Islam watches CSPAN. The channel is his personal brand. Rachel tells him that nothing reminds her more of him than random live feeds of video from various government officials. No filter exists for CSPAN just like there is no filter for the two lovers. For they give each other energy. Love is one form of their energy. Another form is propane so they can grill up some veggies for the BBQ. Eating their grilled veggie love they live for the present since they remember their past all too well. Thanks to a healthy diet Austin and Rachel touch each other’s butts and are amazed at their firmness.

                The two take long walks to get to each other. They are good. They share space together and unlike the 99% of people they’d meet while traveling, they like and care about each other.

bachie slawth

my first ebook is available for FREE here

Fri, 31 May 2013 19:36:00 -0400

my first ebook is available for FREE

here

hover over my tarmac before you decide to love me and i will reach up with my asphalt hands to swat...

Fri, 17 May 2013 03:57:44 -0400

hover over my tarmac before you decide to love me and i will reach up with my asphalt hands to swat you away

internetpoetry: omegle restoring faith in humanity by rachel...

Wed, 15 May 2013 15:02:28 -0400

internetpoetry:

omegle restoring faith in humanity by rachel pattycake

tweet series i guess i’m doing

Sun, 05 May 2013 19:07:29 -0400

tweet series i guess i’m doing

Photo

Fri, 03 May 2013 15:51:38 -0400

internetpoetry: image macro by rachel pattycake

Fri, 03 May 2013 15:50:38 -0400

internetpoetry:

image macro by rachel pattycake

voicemailpoems: Rachel Pattycake Bell reads “HYFR” by...

Wed, 01 May 2013 10:30:30 -0400

voicemailpoems:

Rachel Pattycake Bell reads “HYFR” by Drake.

Here’s what Google Voice thought she said:

Hi Adam, Rachel. Patty hotel. And I’m going to the site. The Paul, H, Why, Yes, our bye trait featuring little wine hey. ON mon. All My ex is we’re gonna Texas like George Strait, or they go to. Georgia State, way tuition channel to someone in need of that live in Atlanta that she only see when she feels obligated, and I did it to me. The first time we dated, that she was not Angelyn we know waited. I took a for sushi. She wanted to suite at the to go with. Holme. Don’t even played it. And we have a talk so much after I blew up to Stoneleigh, Hello Laura, Happy belated. That’s my texture and told her I made an announcement. She text me and told me, she prayed and that’s my text on told her I lover, then right after texture and told around. They did she asks, what the length. It’s getting richer Island working with And I did it tonight for better pictures. I went and the reason I had to steal one hell of a mixture. Even though up girl. I’m still which is damps install cos we’ve is the test. These women involved as I was to drop those, but they’re involved the story to tell we’ve been through it all, damn. And if you’d like confessions gift of talk about my dressing room confusing me with questions like to this. Are you had a right now. Did you ever get nervous. Are you single. I heard you. You curly the true, you can and I’m on the Thank in the evening. If you wish to speak to you And I say, Hell yeah hell yeah. Hell Yeah, tonight. Right down right hell yeah. Hell yeah. Yet, right damn right. I’ll write so much for being optimistic. They say love is in the air, so I had told not to come and see if you’re we’ll keep you at the kids and i Circle, 9 Okay liking perfect for you because Kuwait and I will serve I can check to you for the commercial, but we still net. Later that night after my session. She came over. I would request and she was still going to be for her too. She started comparisons start 100 and then I You know holder and so I did was I was last month Nash’s text me asking for closure, damn. They say that she’s going to catch up to me. I keep tissue paper leave each other whenever. We, at the dinner table She says she hates you love me and she was. We’ll. And the. Sometimes I was just saying, but I was. She was married Yeah, I hope and have a break them, Medicine emailed a test. Bye our conversation. But. And of user like compassion it go out my bed room, computer, new questions, Mike. Do you loved. A. Are you have a right now. You have a good nervous. Are you single. I heard you’ve a cute girl. Is that true. You get them.

“i’ll write so much for being optimistic” seems like a hilarious mistranslation

Photo

Sat, 27 Apr 2013 18:09:42 -0400

My friend Robert comes over and lays naked on my couch. I start filming. I leave the camera on for 8...

Fri, 19 Apr 2013 20:58:00 -0400

My friend Robert comes over and lays naked on my couch. I start filming. I leave the camera on for 8 minutes as people walk through my living room. Robert stays naked on my green couch, the green couch that my parents bought when they got married. Later I will lose my cellphone in the couch cushions and, digging for it, find a sock that I wore before cellphones were invented. It is now a sock that fits three of my fingers.

I upload the video to youtube with a filter that hides Robert’s nudity. I go to a hotel that I refer to, in my mind, as a “bourgeois-ass hotel” and there are fat middle schoolers doing gang signs in the hotel bar. They tweet at me that they loved my work on youtube, that it reminds them of Harmony Korine, that they are in a class he teaches at their middle school. I tweet back pictures of them doing gang signs in the “bourgeois-ass hotel” and they are thrilled to be in the same building as me. They show me pictures of themselves and Harmony. Harmony is actually Robert Downey Jr.

I remember that if I go upstairs, the hotel turns into my mom’s house. I go to my room. I lay down on the box spring where my twin bed used to be. I go downstairs and out the door to the garage, because the hotel is gone and I am now in my mom’s house. It is summer and Kofi, the Chesapeake Bay Retriever, is outside barking. Everything is green, except for the bright blue FJ Cruiser that I have just remembered is mine. I bought it because I have lots of money now, since my youtube fame among gang sign-throwing middle schoolers has developed. I get inside of my FJ Cruiser. I have barely enough room to sit in it but I can now drive over anything in the world, including an IED, and I will be fine.

I get out of the bright blue FJ Cruiser. I remove the wheels and axles and press a button to deflate it. It is now folded neatly into something the size of a pillow. I go inside. My aunt lets me borrow her hair gel and tries to tell me that I am “doing it wrong.” She says, “trust me, I have been using this gel my whole life!!!” and I say, “Okay well I have had this hair my whole life mostly too so thanks.”

My hair is now perfectly curly. I go to the garage to inflate my vehicle and the backyard is very muddy. Thankfully, I realize that I am wearing waders, and I make to the garage just fine. My friend Daniel is there. I have known him since second grade, when all he had was a bowlcut and unrequited love for me. I attempt to inflate my FJ Cruiser but I do it wrong. It instead inflates into a dirty-ass Chrysler Sebring and I think, “ew.” Daniel shows me how to inflate my car correctly and it is back to FJ Cruiser status. Swag status.

I hop in. I pick Austin Islam up from Texas and we go back to Indianapolis to visit my highschool. The drive takes about 20 minutes. Before exiting the car I use some silver glitter glue to draw a star on my face. I walk through my highschool where I am now famous. Everyone who sees me is thrilled and everything I say is golden, resulting in peals of laughter. I get an ice cream sandwich from the ice cream machine and I get a smack on the ass from the hoodlums in the lunch room. Austin is impressed, understandably. Walking through the hallways of my old highschool is much like walking on an endless red carpet and/or a layer of adoration.

None of this has actually happened, but some of it would be nice. A common side effect of Cymbalta is “abnormal dreams”

beachsloth: poems i have written inside your bed - rachel...

Wed, 17 Apr 2013 21:18:11 -0400

beachsloth:

poems i have written inside your bed - rachel pattycake

                As a child Rachel played pattycake with the baker’s man. Now Rachel plays pattycake with something more, with hearts. Internet dwellers across the world have fallen in love with the sheer illustrious beauty that radiates from Rachel’s surefire smile, her luscious long locks of her, and her sense of confidence. Resistance of Rachel Pattycake’s charm is futile. Everybody’s got to succumb sometimes. Rachel has the lighting and the music. Rachel knows how to set the mood. Of course the internet is going to adore her work.

                St. Vincent plays in the background giving the poem a sensual aura. This is for those unable to be charmed by her mere words. Rachel watches someone remove their watch. Upon the removal of the watch time gives up. For such a tender moment how can time possibly do it justice? It can’t. Hence the watch politely requests to be let off the hand. Whoever the mysterious figure is decides to comply. Love is in the air between them. Propane bleeds out of Rachel’s mouth. Now it becomes clear who the mysterious figure is: Hank Hill. Experiencing propane is what Hank Hill does best. With Rachel propane is divine, for cooking, but a special kind of cooking. It involves eggplant.

                Rachel creates a special person. Guns are ablaze. This is due to the extreme passion. Guns are a metaphor for loving. A-frame houses are perfect for Rachel. Craigslist gives Rachel hope. Millions find hope on Craigslist every day, whether it is a home, a used futon, or free thirty year old magazines. Everything is the same. Everything is useless. People are what matter anyway.

                Out of nowhere Rachel Pattycake plays lighthouse. Things were foggy allegedly. Few have this distinct ability to transform from person into a physical structure. Light provides hope. With Rachel’s radiant energy guiding Hank Hill’s ship to shore, she guarantees to hook him up with the sweet deliciousness of propane. Hank Hill wants it; he wants the propane so badly. Deep in the pitch black night with only the light from Rachel’s hair guiding him Hank says ‘Yep’ in a strong Texan drawl. Blinking light makes Hank a firefly trying to find that special someone. Unlike fireflies though who are essentially doomed due to an extreme gender imbalance, Hank Hill is lucky to have someone as special as Rachel.

                Things will be shown. Lincoln’s Ford Theater sounds particularly grand, particularly the whole ‘fucking’ thing. Generations ago a man was fucked in the Ford Theater in a dramatically different way than what Rachel suggests. By the end Rachel connects with the viewer, with potential future lovers by simply staring intensely into the camera.

beach sloth makes me feel good, yes yes yes

welp i made this amy lee man, bring me to life

Mon, 15 Apr 2013 23:07:06 -0400

welp i made this

amy lee man, bring me to life

pigsholdingswine: rachel pattycake i submitted like eight...

Sat, 13 Apr 2013 19:30:00 -0400

pigsholdingswine:

rachel pattycake

i submitted like eight things here HEH HEH HEH

its just cops + pigs

this is a part of what may become a series let me read you a...

Sat, 13 Apr 2013 14:46:31 -0400

this is a part of what may become a series

let me read you a bedtime story

Photo

Sat, 13 Apr 2013 11:56:06 -0400

i have never had anything as good as you i will have you for the rest of my life if you will have...

Thu, 11 Apr 2013 17:16:02 -0400

i have never had anything as good as you
i will have you for the rest of my life
if you
will have me